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Corporate Lessons
Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife has finished her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £500 to drop that towel," after thinking for a moment the woman drops the towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds Bob hands her the £500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom her husband asks, "Who was that at the door? "It was Bob from next door" she replies. "Great" her husband says "did he say anything about the £500 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun, she got in and crossed her legs forcing her habit to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg, the nun said "Father remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. When he changed gears he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said "Father remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 and it said "Go forth and seek further up and you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job you might miss a great opportunity.
Coporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep. an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp, they rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says "I'll give each of you one wish." "Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk, "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse and an endless supply of pina coladas with the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK you're up" the genie says to the manager. The manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, but I have'nt got the energy." "Well why don't you nibble on my droppings replied the bull, they're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by the farmer who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife has finished her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £500 to drop that towel," after thinking for a moment the woman drops the towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds Bob hands her the £500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom her husband asks, "Who was that at the door? "It was Bob from next door" she replies. "Great" her husband says "did he say anything about the £500 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a nun, she got in and crossed her legs forcing her habit to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg, the nun said "Father remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. When he changed gears he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said "Father remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 and it said "Go forth and seek further up and you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job you might miss a great opportunity.
Coporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep. an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp, they rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says "I'll give each of you one wish." "Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk, "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse and an endless supply of pina coladas with the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK you're up" the genie says to the manager. The manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, but I have'nt got the energy." "Well why don't you nibble on my droppings replied the bull, they're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by the farmer who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
