1. David Hasselhoff once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There were no survivors.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live. There is no "I" in team. There are two
"I"s in David Hasselhoff. **** you, team.
3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David
Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back
8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu*k down.
10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
Records it notes that all world records are held by David
Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest
anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to
put up with lactose's * hit.
14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat
itself out of fear.
19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar,
a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would
sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to
show the seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.
22. David Hasselhoff doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his *enis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while
23. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up, he's pushing the Earth down.
24. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away
as an inferno erupts behind him.
25. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
26. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
27. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David
Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.